Planes, Trains and Autopilot

Hi everyone!

I arrived back in London from Tokyo a few months ago, and I've been wanting to write a post about the transition back. I'm also halfway through my fourth, and final, seat in my training contract where I'm on secondment to an airline company. 

So without further ado, below are some of the uncomfortable experiences I encountered coming back to the UK after 6 months of living in Japan AND a bonus introduction to what it's like working at an airline!

1. On autopilot

Everything in Tokyo was so different - the food, the culture, the language - so it was only when I arrived back in the UK that I discovered that my autopilot function had been somewhat recalibrated to adapt to my life in Tokyo.

To launch right in, the first thing I noticed on returning to London was that when I went to the toilet, my pee was EXTREMELY LOUD. Every time the liquid hit the bowl, it was like:

I realised that it was because for 6 months I had used the Japanese "flush sound" function, which delicately covers up the sound of your pee.  Go figure.

The second thing I noticed was that I kept ending up on the wrong floor when people told me to go to "Level 1"/ "First floor".  In Japan, the first floor is the ground floor. In the UK, the first floor is one level above the ground floor.  I can't count how many times I was told to meet someone on the first floor, so I went *downstairs* to the ground floor and couldn't find them. After searching the office for a good few minutes, I'd always end up like:

Another thing? London SMELLS. It smells real bad. As the birthplace of the industrial revolution, it can definitely smell like there is some 19th century shit still lying around underground, waiting for you to innocently walk past it.

Lastly, London = chaos.  Gone are my beloved elevator lift rules, which I had finally gotten the hang of.  While Tokyo's attitude to lifts are like...

...London's attitude to lifts are like:

There are so many things I love about London, which I really missed, but I guess I had no idea how much Japan can get under your skin :)

2. Planes and Trains

As mentioned above, I am spending my last 6 months of my training contract working for an airline company in its legal team. Here are my initial observations:

• Everyone is SO NICE.  It's like all the nice lawyers leave private practice and go in-house (not even joking, I think that's a thing).  NB: Excluding my besties of course.
  
  
• Examples of the above observation:
• I've had to retrain myself to say "sorry" if I come within 1 metre of another person;
• I've learned to hold doors open for people - this takes up about 30 - 40 minutes of my day but it's just so darn nice that other people hold the door open for me!
• I was eating a hard boiled egg as part of my lunch one day.  An employee whom I had never met called out to me:
  
  "That's an eggsellent lunch you have there! It looks eggsactly what you need. You'll have a great eggsperience eating it I'm sure."
  
  I replied "Eggsetera, Eggsetera?"
  
  He said "Eggsactly!"
  
  
• I get my lunch from the Arrivals terminal.  The Departures terminal is an extra 5 minute walk and it's too much effort.
  
  
• I love seeing planes up close. They're so majestic, and when they roll past, the floor of our office floor shakes.
  
  
• I hate the people flying on planes.  I have to hide my badge whenever I go to the terminal in case someone wants to complain about a delayed flight or ask me for directions.
  
  
• The commute is the bane of my existence: over an hour each way, compared to walking to work over the past year and a half.  And if I miss the one good train that runs on time, I'm screwed. As a result, every morning is like this:  

That said, a life changing recommendation was that I should take up podcasts and I am obsessed! Podcasts are the only thing I talk about anymore and I don't see this changing until I stop spending 2.5 hours on a train per day.

I hope that caught you all up and I hope you're all well! Til next time! :)

In Tokyo: highlights, thank you and goodbye to Japan

Hi everyone,

I'm operating at a bit of a delay - I've been back in the UK for a month, but it's been a bit of a crazy month with getting no time off in the transition from Tokyo to London, moving into a new apartment, finding a new flatmate, and having my parents here visiting.  I wanted to list here some of the highlights of my time in Japan, so that I can properly bid it farewell. 

1. That time I stood in a 1 hour queue at the top of Mt Fuji

Incredibly, I wasn't going to climb Mt Fuji.  I'd heard only bad things (usually along the lines of "worst climb of my life but still worth it") and I knew that luck with the weather had a lot to do with it.  Eventually, I pulled myself up and went.  It was just breathtaking. 

We started at sunset, and the sky progressively got darker around us:

As we got higher, I saw more and more often vomit on the side of the path.  Fuji is high enough to cause altitude sickness (from which I was luckily spared). I remember taking a break with my new friends and we decided our mission was to help warn other hikers of the big patch of vomit where many of them were going to stand or put their bags.  It was so gross...

As we got higher, the number of people also increased.  Once we reached the 8th station, I realised that it was actually getting kind of packed.  And this is at about 1am in the morning.

My friend felt so sick due to the altitude, and we were going so slow that at about 3am I started to worry I would miss the sunrise. She kindly said something along the lines of "save yourself!" and let me go on without her.  I tried to hurry, because I could see the sky brightening.  

What I didn't realise, is that there was a HUGE queue to get to the summit. It took one hour to move forward 600m.  I was practically running and trying to pass people on the outside. Being polite Japanese climbers, they seemed quite annoyed that I wasn't patiently waiting my turn.  But I thought "I didn't come this far to get stuck in a bloody queue!"  I finally made it to the summit with 20 minutes to spare. And boy was the sunrise everything I hoped it would be:

The hundreds of people gathered at the summit thought so too:

2. That time I was kicked in the shin in Hong Kong and sorely missed Japanese politeness

I went to Hong Kong one weekend and was amazed at how culturally different it was to Japan.  They could have been opposites in terms of the way people spoke, dress and interacted.  I went to Fa Yuen market, which was a fantastic hive of activity.  I stood in the middle of the street taking photos like this one:

Then suddenly, this old woman shuffled over to me and kicked me in the shin!! I have no idea why! Was it because I was a foreign tourist taking photos of something meaningful to her?  She pointedly looked at my bag before kicking me, so was it because I had left my bag open while taking photos and she was warning me to be more careful? I was like:

3. That time I felt the "Karaoke Disconnect"

I will SO miss karaoke. It became clear over my many sessions that karaoke reveals a lot about a person.  I went to karaoke with good friends, with new friends, and with people I didn't know.  After singing karaoke together, I felt like I knew MUCH more about them (probably than I ever needed to know).  I'm not talking about singing ability, I'm talking about their taste in music.

For example, people who I thought were perfectly normal and potential friend material, but then who decide to go with heavy metal the first time we sing:

Dude don't bring that out so early, I only just met you.  

Or people who I thought had depth, who I thought I could have a good, deep conversation with - but who wanted to play Taylor Swift on repeat.  And when they put on Carly Rae Jepsen I was like:

I call this the "Karaoke Disconnect".  

Compare this to how I reacted when colleagues at work put on Broadway musicals, Disney songs and Queen:

I guess this would be the "Karaoke Connection" then?

4. To all the times I bought the wrong thing

I guess this is a highlight in a "I'm not going to miss this" kind of way.  That is, constantly buying the wrong thing because I couldn't read the label or understand the packaging. 

• Yes that includes the time I bought what I thought was soup, but turned out to be "rice topping".
• Yes that includes the time I bought soap instead of moisturising cream, and only realised after days of applying it, why my face was burning and raw.
• Yes that includes the time I set out to buy a flat sheet and a blanket, only to walk away with a doona (duvet) cover and a mattress protector.

5. Goodbye and thank you Japan!

Japan, I already miss you.  The food, the peaceful and polite culture, the food, the breathtaking natural scenery, the food.... 

Above all, it also taught me so much about living in a foreign country. My experience was so different to what my grandparents faced when they came to Australia, and not just for the lack of a Google translate app.  While I try to put a fun spin on the difficulties I've faced, it WAS hard at times not speaking the language and being surrounded by a different culture for 6 months.  I can only imagine how much more difficult it must be when you don't have the resources or support that I was fortunate enough to have.  In this new, post-Brexit, Trump-could-actually-be-President world we now find ourselves in, let's open ourselves up instead of closing ourselves off.  Let's celebrate different cultures and languages and how beautifully diverse the human population is...and of course...

In Tokyo: Japanese sweetness in everyday life

Hi everyone!

I'm aware it's been almost two months since my last blog post.  The months of June and parts of July were really busy at work as we approached the due date for our submissions. As I'm sure my trainee friends will understand, the time leading up to a deadline can be a little rough...

Fortunately, after we had filed our submissions I was able to have a break.  The end of July and first half of August was spent seeing as much of Japan as I could - I climbed Mt Fuji (which may be the subject of another blog post), went to the Izu Peninsula, Hong Kong, Kyoto, Arashiyama, Miyajima and Hiroshima.  I now have only 2 weeks left in Japan before heading back to London.  The packing has begun...

I wanted to dedicate this blog post to some of the sweet things about Japan, things that stem from their polite and hospitable culture and that I will truly miss.

1. Automatic Door Man

I live in a serviced apartment here in Tokyo, and one of the things I will miss about this place is Automatic Door Man.  Automatic Door Man is a young guy employed by the residence, whose job in the mornings is to stand next to the automatic sliding door.  When I approach the exit, he quickly hurries towards the automatic door so that it opens for me. 

I'm not sure that it's exactly needed - in two extra seconds I would be close enough to the door for it to automatically open, but it's sweet and it makes me feel like a princess.

2. Unexpected bird sounds

I am constantly being surprised by the sound of recorded birds chirping. The first time I heard it was on the metro - being underground and hearing the sound of birds chirping really freaked me out.

I was sick one day and stayed home, and discovered that in the middle of the day, a set of speakers in my room begins to play ... you guessed it ... bird sounds.  While very sweet, I'm waiting for the day that Japan ups the anti and creates robot birds that help you with every day tasks:

3. Brushing your teeth at work

I was really confused when I first got here because it seemed that every time I went to the bathroom at work, some Japanese woman was in there brushing her teeth.  I'd go back to my desk, work for a while, head back into the bathroom and there would be ANOTHER Japanese woman brushing her teeth.  It didn't matter what time of day. I swear they were tag teaming it.

I found out much later that Japanese children learn that they should brush their teeth after every meal - not just once in the morning and once and night.  This was ingrained and carried over to their adult lives.  So I guess at any time of day, someone had just eaten. 

When someone finally told me this reason for the strange phenomenon I'd been witnessing for months, it felt exactly like that revelation scene in Amélie...

4. Confessions of a Cleaner

Finally, I wish to particularly dedicate this post to the lovely, sweet women who clean my apartment.  I never met any of them, but I felt that they left me many messages in the form of adorable ways they arranged my things.

Sometimes they did go a little too far... I mean does anyone need this many towels? Could they instead have been judging me?? I will never know.

Thank you Japan for being so sweet. I have a few things more to say about my time here, so fear not, there is more to come in the Tokyo instalment of the Bumbling Baby Lawyer :)

In Tokyo: "You are not doing well", dame, and being insulted

Before arriving in Tokyo, our firm gave us a handbook called the "Tokyo Inbound Starter Pack: Essential Information". It set out some helpful tips like:

• "Do not be afraid of long pauses in conversation. If you are doing most of the talking, you are not doing well".
• "Seminars are formal events. Jokes are not well received".
• "Avoid conversations with your colleagues. If you are not talking to the client you are not doing well".

As you can tell, Japan has a very formal culture with many unwritten rules. Luckily, Westerners are exempt from a lot of these rules. As my handbook says "Japanese people do not expect others to understand their etiquette and are very forgiving". That said, I felt prepared for the high chance that I would offend someone and that even after a few months of living here, I would probably be "not doing well". 

Now that I'm two thirds of the way through, I can safely say that I was right - I would offend poor polite Japanese people. But what I didn't expect is that sometimes I would get offended too!! There are some things that do not transcend culture.

1. Dame

Ok so one of the most important things I've learned since being here is the Japanese word dame which means "Don't do that / No good" (pronounced "dum-ay"). I was blissfully unaware of dame until my friend pointed it out to me. From that day on, I've noticed that I get dame'd all the freaking time!

Ten minutes after my friend first described this to me, we were trying to cross the road while the red signal was on, and the traffic guard dame'd us. 

For Aussies, it's like the "No deal" sign on Deal or No Deal...

...except there is no smiling and the man yells at you saying "DAME DAME DAME DAME" i.e. "NO NO NO STOP THAT" then probably mutters to himself "stupid gaijin".

2. Dame at the gym

I seem to get dame'd the most at the gym. First time I went, I walked straight in and headed to the treadmills. This poor Japanese gym attendant just looked at me with wide eyes, almost fearful.

I didn't know why he looked so uncomfortable, so I just kept walking in the direction of the treadmill. He then beckoned to me, trying to get me to walk in the other direction and I said something along the lines of "No, no, I know the treadmill is that way, thanks anyway". He just looked at me even more awkwardly, and tried to usher me in the other direction. I finally agreed to follow him, and he took me to reception where the lady told me I needed to hand in my card before I could access the gym. Oops! I probably ruined that poor guy's day.

Another time, I went into the ladies changing room and walked straight in with my shoes on. A female attendant came out of nowhere and apologetically and nervously pointed to my shoes and gave me a mini dame. I went back to the door, took off my shoes, and then walked back in. She CAME UP TO ME AGAIN. She pointed at my bare feet and motioned back to the door. I was like:

What am I supposed to do here? Just stand by the door?? Turns out there were special slippers that we were supposed to wear in the change rooms. Sigh. Sorry lady, my bad.

3. NOT COOL Japan!

So there have also been a couple of times where a Japanese person has offended me because of something that didn't quite translate. 

"Only small and medium! Only small and medium!"

I went to a shopping centre with my friend the other weekend, and we were in Zara. The fashion here is for very loose and baggy clothing, which doesn't always suit non-Japanese women. My friend bought a lovely lace dress that was a little boxy, so she got it in a small size to fit more tightly. It looked fantastic on her. At the counter, the shop assistant said to my friend: "This is a small". My friend said "Yes I know" and the shop assistant replied "Are you sure? It's a SMALL"

We were like:

Then we headed to another store, and started looking at the pretty dainty clothing there. I was starting to take a jacket off its hanger when a shop assistant lady came running up to me and gave me a little dame. I thought to myself "oh great, what have I done this time?" And the woman, while waving her hands at me, said in broken English "No no, only small and medium. Only small and medium!"

It suddenly hit me. 

She was saying that literally nothing in this store would fit me and that I should leave. I just looked at her like:

Ok I get it. Japanese women are tiny. You could have broken it to me a little gentler though.

"Small face"

I was having my Japanese class a couple of weeks ago and we were learning adjectives. I had to go down the list of adjectives and use them in different ways (e.g. positive and negative, present and past tense). We got to the adjective "small". I didn't really have the vocabulary for this kind of exercise, so we puzzled over an easy noun that I could remember which could be described as small. 

I stepped out of the room for a moment, and when I came back in, my Japanese teacher was looking really pleased. She said excitedly "I know a good word for "small" that you can use!" My first thought was "she's going to say mouse", but I humoured her and said "Oh yeh, what's that?" 

She said:

"YOUR FACE"

...........

Um?

I'm pretty sure that's an insult. An insult to my face. Kind of like:

Why would my sweet, kind, Japanese teacher say that?

I tried to control my emotions, and said to her "Well I guess I kind of see that, I do have a small head, I mean buying hats has always been kind of difficult for me..." 

She looked a bit confused, and said to me "No, no, in Japan small face is a very big compliment! Everybody want a small face. Actresses, models, they all have small face. Japanese women even have surgery to have small face. It's very good".

Ok.

So in Japan, having a small face is a compliment. I guess I must be "doing well".

I appreciated the thought, but honestly, I can't help but think of this:

Some things will just not transcend culture. But me and my small face can live with that :)

In Tokyo: Three unexpected things about working in Japan

Hi everyone!

I am over one-third of the way through my time in Japan, and the time has absolutely flown. I've well and truly settled into a routine now, though until I learn more of the language I couldn't say I'm at home! One place that does feel familiar is The Office, because I work in an English-speaking environment filled with mostly British and Australian lawyers and bilingual Japanese support staff. That said, there have been a few surprises about working in Japan which I'm going to share with you now.

1. Business cards

The one piece of information I knew about Japanese business culture was "something something business cards". Before I left to come here, multiple people gave me their two cents on business card practice and then this was reconfirmed at our "etiquette training" as soon as I arrived.  Hold your business card ("meishi") in two hands with the Japanese language side facing up and pointed towards the other person. Swap business cards. Study the contents of the business card with an "interested look on your face" and make small talk about the contents if possible. Easy huh?

I was lucky enough to go to a preliminary meeting at the arbitrator's offices for one of our matters. I made sure I wore a suit, was ready to keep my mouth shut, brought lots of writing material, FORGOT TO BRING ANY BUSINESS CARDS. 

Sigh, I try SO hard .....

When we first entered the room, only the opposition and his lawyer were present and I had to stand awkwardly to the side while everyone else slowly exchanged business cards one by one. I explained honestly that I didn't bring any. The arbitrator and his secretary then arrived, we had the meeting, and at the end I had to stand to the side yet again while everyone exchanged business cards with them.  

Mr Darcy gets it:

I then lied and said that I'd run out. It didn't help - you're supposed to carry 100 business cards with you wherever you go. 

I went to a networking event soon afterwards, and two Japanese women kindly explained the business card rules. Apparently, you should try and serve your business card underneath the other person's card, because that means you are being humble and polite. The other person will also try to swap their card underneath yours, so eventually it becomes a bit like:

2. "Lift Commander"

There is an interesting phenomenon that happens in the lifts at work, particularly for the "express lift" that goes directly up without stopping. 

We all shuffle into the lift and then one person will always (I mean always) take up the position right next to the panel of buttons. I call this person the "Lift Commander".

The Lift Commander is in charge of pressing the "closing door" button as soon as the last person has entered the lift. We then stand silently, facing the direction of the door. The doors open and we shuffle out again. The Lift Commander honourably stays until last, holding the "door open" button until everyone has left. Only then will the Lift Commander leave.

I keep forgetting this unspoken rule: I'm very trigger happy when it comes to closing the doors...

...but then I'll also walk out of the lift first...

Lately I've been remembering though, and when I take on the role of Lift Commander, the Japanese people in the lift are noticably surprised and grateful. Sometimes I'll get a soft "arigato gozimasu" (thank you) or a teensy little bow as they leave.  Just goes to show that they don't expect much from foreigners, but if you manage to do something right, Japanese people will be grateful!

3. "Career women" and power dressing

One thing I did know about Japanese business culture before coming over was the "salaryman". According to Wikipedia (I went there), salaryman "refers to a man whose income is salary based, particularly those working for corporations. It has gradually become accepted in Anglophone countries as a noun for a Japanese white-collar worker or businessman. The term salaryman refers exclusively to men".

This was the kind of image I had in mind:

The pleasant surprise for me was that there are quite a few business women around as well. From what I've heard, it is difficult being a woman in business in Japan and I wasn't sure what to expect. As Wikipedia continues, "The term salaryman refers exclusively to men; for women the term [is] career woman or, for lower prestige jobs office lady is used". I can tell the career women because they will be wearing a type of uniform of a black skirt suit and white shirt, with the collars opened up wide above the blazer collar.  Apparently dressing formally in a suit signals to the world that she is a "career woman" and is to be taken seriously. Power dressing. 

Whenever I see these women around work, I just want to go:

In Tokyo: I Have No Idea What I'm Eating

While I spend most of my working week in an English-speaking bubble known as The Office, as soon as I step out of that bubble I am repeatedly reminded that I do not speak the language of this country. Every Japanese person I have met has been so patient and kind, but there have inevitably been some very awkward moments which, of course, I will entertain you with throughout my trip. We begin with food....

1. Grocery shopping

Supermarkets are ranked #1 on the list of Places You Will Most Likely Confuse Others. You could be forgiven for thinking that I could just enter the store, pick up a few items, hand them to the shop assistant along with my credit card in total silence and be able exit with my dignity intact. What you don't realise is that I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM BUYING. I can't read any of the labels...

... and a lot of things I should have recognised come in very different shapes...

An incredible variety of mushrooms...if I don't know what the thing I'm eating is, it has usually turned out to be a type of mushroom or a type of seaweed

My last resort has been to type into my Google Translate app and show it to a shop assistant, who will take me to what I need. Sometimes they will type something back to me - as a system it works ok.

Once I was hoping to cook dinner at home (mistake) and I had no idea which of the sauces I was supposed to use. A very kind shop assistant led me over to the sauces. I showed her my translation for "I am allergic to onion and garlic", which she understood. She then said in broken English "what...cook?" and I showed her my shopping basket, which included tofu. She got excited by the tofu and pulled a few sauces off the shelf for me, which I then bought. I still have no idea what the sauce is, but it is delicious with tofu. 

Last week was embarrassing. As usual, I was trying my now standard Just Smile and Hand Over Your Credit Card routine. As I was paying, the shop assistant started putting my items in a bag, and she said "Something something something receipt something something?" Thinking that she said "Do you want a receipt?", I said "Iie" (which means no). She then froze, her hand poised above the bag....she stared at me confused....then with a raised eyebrow she slowly started pulling things out of the bag and putting them back on the counter. I quickly said "Hai uh I mean iie I mean hai bag yes bag yes" and she smiled confused and put the items back in the bag. She must have been like:

2. Dining Out

Dining Out is #1 on the list of Places Where You Will Most Likely Be Confused Yourself. On our first night in Tokyo, we had dinner at a delicious izakaya. As soon as I slid across the wooden door and entered the restaurant, the chefs and waiters started yelling at me! One of the other trainees then said to me "Oh you'd better take your shoes off before going in". So I assumed that they were yelling "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! TAKE YOUR BLOODY SHOES OFF?! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE COMING IN HERE WITH YOUR SHOES ON!" We then had a lovely dinner with delicious food, and a week goes by. I later recalled the event in a conversation, and said to my friend "Yeh...like that time we were yelled at when we entered the restaurant". He turned to me and said "They weren't yelling at you. They were welcoming you. The restaurant was loud and they were just welcoming you inside".

Right.

So when I entered the restaurant last week, they were just saying "WELCOME!! COME IN, WELCOME TO OUR RESTAURANT WE HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT TIME HERE, YOU ARE SO VERY WELCOME ENJOY OUR FOOD". Ok.

We went out for lunch the next day and ordered a delicious meat fry-up. There was Japanese-style battered chicken and other meats with a side of salad. One of the trainees speaks Japanese so he was very kind in ordering for us. Once the dishes were laid out on the table, the chef personally came around to ask how we were enjoying our meals. We all bowed and smiled and said arigato gozaimasu. The trainee translated that the chef said not to forget the sauce. My friend reached for one of the sauce bottles and squeezed it generously all over the chicken. Suddenly, the chef cried out. I can only imagine he was saying:

Turns out my friend had just poured salad dressing all over her fried chicken. Poor chef.

Through my "Everything Once" philosophy, I have tried not to let my complete unfamiliarity with Japanese cuisine stop me from trying new foods. Yakitori is my absolute favourite at the moment - it's a delicious Japanese style of skewered chicken, although they don't just limit it to the breast and thigh:

So far I have eaten off a skewer:

• Chicken hearts
• Chicken tails
• Chicken liver
• Chicken skin

And then from a bowl, chicken intestines. I completely agree that if you're going to eat an animal, you shouldn't let any of it go to waste. That said, I'll be happy if I never have chicken liver or heart ever again...