Before arriving in Tokyo, our firm gave us a handbook called the "Tokyo Inbound Starter Pack: Essential Information". It set out some helpful tips like:
...except there is no smiling and the man yells at you saying "DAME DAME DAME DAME" i.e. "NO NO NO STOP THAT" then probably mutters to himself "stupid gaijin".
2. Dame at the gym
I seem to get dame'd the most at the gym. First time I went, I walked straight in and headed to the treadmills. This poor Japanese gym attendant just looked at me with wide eyes, almost fearful.
I didn't know why he looked so uncomfortable, so I just kept walking in the direction of the treadmill. He then beckoned to me, trying to get me to walk in the other direction and I said something along the lines of "No, no, I know the treadmill is that way, thanks anyway". He just looked at me even more awkwardly, and tried to usher me in the other direction. I finally agreed to follow him, and he took me to reception where the lady told me I needed to hand in my card before I could access the gym. Oops! I probably ruined that poor guy's day.
Another time, I went into the ladies changing room and walked straight in with my shoes on. A female attendant came out of nowhere and apologetically and nervously pointed to my shoes and gave me a mini dame. I went back to the door, took off my shoes, and then walked back in. She CAME UP TO ME AGAIN. She pointed at my bare feet and motioned back to the door. I was like:
What am I supposed to do here? Just stand by the door?? Turns out there were special slippers that we were supposed to wear in the change rooms. Sigh. Sorry lady, my bad.
3. NOT COOL Japan!
So there have also been a couple of times where a Japanese person has offended me because of something that didn't quite translate.
"Only small and medium! Only small and medium!"
I went to a shopping centre with my friend the other weekend, and we were in Zara. The fashion here is for very loose and baggy clothing, which doesn't always suit non-Japanese women. My friend bought a lovely lace dress that was a little boxy, so she got it in a small size to fit more tightly. It looked fantastic on her. At the counter, the shop assistant said to my friend: "This is a small". My friend said "Yes I know" and the shop assistant replied "Are you sure? It's a SMALL"
We were like:
Then we headed to another store, and started looking at the pretty dainty clothing there. I was starting to take a jacket off its hanger when a shop assistant lady came running up to me and gave me a little dame. I thought to myself "oh great, what have I done this time?" And the woman, while waving her hands at me, said in broken English "No no, only small and medium. Only small and medium!"
It suddenly hit me.
She was saying that literally nothing in this store would fit me and that I should leave. I just looked at her like:
Ok I get it. Japanese women are tiny. You could have broken it to me a little gentler though.
"Small face"
I was having my Japanese class a couple of weeks ago and we were learning adjectives. I had to go down the list of adjectives and use them in different ways (e.g. positive and negative, present and past tense). We got to the adjective "small". I didn't really have the vocabulary for this kind of exercise, so we puzzled over an easy noun that I could remember which could be described as small.
I stepped out of the room for a moment, and when I came back in, my Japanese teacher was looking really pleased. She said excitedly "I know a good word for "small" that you can use!" My first thought was "she's going to say mouse", but I humoured her and said "Oh yeh, what's that?"
She said:
"YOUR FACE"
...........
Um?
I'm pretty sure that's an insult. An insult to my face. Kind of like:
Why would my sweet, kind, Japanese teacher say that?
I tried to control my emotions, and said to her "Well I guess I kind of see that, I do have a small head, I mean buying hats has always been kind of difficult for me..."
She looked a bit confused, and said to me "No, no, in Japan small face is a very big compliment! Everybody want a small face. Actresses, models, they all have small face. Japanese women even have surgery to have small face. It's very good".
Ok.
So in Japan, having a small face is a compliment. I guess I must be "doing well".
I appreciated the thought, but honestly, I can't help but think of this:
Some things will just not transcend culture. But me and my small face can live with that :)
- "Do not be afraid of long pauses in conversation. If you are doing most of the talking, you are not doing well".
- "Seminars are formal events. Jokes are not well received".
- "Avoid conversations with your colleagues. If you are not talking to the client you are not doing well".
As you can tell, Japan has a very formal culture with many unwritten rules. Luckily, Westerners are exempt from a lot of these rules. As my handbook says "Japanese people do not expect others to understand their etiquette and are very forgiving". That said, I felt prepared for the high chance that I would offend someone and that even after a few months of living here, I would probably be "not doing well".
Now that I'm two thirds of the way through, I can safely say that I was right - I would offend poor polite Japanese people. But what I didn't expect is that sometimes I would get offended too!! There are some things that do not transcend culture.
Now that I'm two thirds of the way through, I can safely say that I was right - I would offend poor polite Japanese people. But what I didn't expect is that sometimes I would get offended too!! There are some things that do not transcend culture.
1. Dame
Ok so one of the most important things I've learned since being here is the Japanese word dame which means "Don't do that / No good" (pronounced "dum-ay"). I was blissfully unaware of dame until my friend pointed it out to me. From that day on, I've noticed that I get dame'd all the freaking time!
Ten minutes after my friend first described this to me, we were trying to cross the road while the red signal was on, and the traffic guard dame'd us.
For Aussies, it's like the "No deal" sign on Deal or No Deal...
...except there is no smiling and the man yells at you saying "DAME DAME DAME DAME" i.e. "NO NO NO STOP THAT" then probably mutters to himself "stupid gaijin".
2. Dame at the gym
I seem to get dame'd the most at the gym. First time I went, I walked straight in and headed to the treadmills. This poor Japanese gym attendant just looked at me with wide eyes, almost fearful.
I didn't know why he looked so uncomfortable, so I just kept walking in the direction of the treadmill. He then beckoned to me, trying to get me to walk in the other direction and I said something along the lines of "No, no, I know the treadmill is that way, thanks anyway". He just looked at me even more awkwardly, and tried to usher me in the other direction. I finally agreed to follow him, and he took me to reception where the lady told me I needed to hand in my card before I could access the gym. Oops! I probably ruined that poor guy's day.
Another time, I went into the ladies changing room and walked straight in with my shoes on. A female attendant came out of nowhere and apologetically and nervously pointed to my shoes and gave me a mini dame. I went back to the door, took off my shoes, and then walked back in. She CAME UP TO ME AGAIN. She pointed at my bare feet and motioned back to the door. I was like:
What am I supposed to do here? Just stand by the door?? Turns out there were special slippers that we were supposed to wear in the change rooms. Sigh. Sorry lady, my bad.
3. NOT COOL Japan!
So there have also been a couple of times where a Japanese person has offended me because of something that didn't quite translate.
"Only small and medium! Only small and medium!"
I went to a shopping centre with my friend the other weekend, and we were in Zara. The fashion here is for very loose and baggy clothing, which doesn't always suit non-Japanese women. My friend bought a lovely lace dress that was a little boxy, so she got it in a small size to fit more tightly. It looked fantastic on her. At the counter, the shop assistant said to my friend: "This is a small". My friend said "Yes I know" and the shop assistant replied "Are you sure? It's a SMALL"
We were like:
Then we headed to another store, and started looking at the pretty dainty clothing there. I was starting to take a jacket off its hanger when a shop assistant lady came running up to me and gave me a little dame. I thought to myself "oh great, what have I done this time?" And the woman, while waving her hands at me, said in broken English "No no, only small and medium. Only small and medium!"
It suddenly hit me.
She was saying that literally nothing in this store would fit me and that I should leave. I just looked at her like:
Ok I get it. Japanese women are tiny. You could have broken it to me a little gentler though.
"Small face"
I was having my Japanese class a couple of weeks ago and we were learning adjectives. I had to go down the list of adjectives and use them in different ways (e.g. positive and negative, present and past tense). We got to the adjective "small". I didn't really have the vocabulary for this kind of exercise, so we puzzled over an easy noun that I could remember which could be described as small.
I stepped out of the room for a moment, and when I came back in, my Japanese teacher was looking really pleased. She said excitedly "I know a good word for "small" that you can use!" My first thought was "she's going to say mouse", but I humoured her and said "Oh yeh, what's that?"
She said:
"YOUR FACE"
...........
Um?
I'm pretty sure that's an insult. An insult to my face. Kind of like:
Why would my sweet, kind, Japanese teacher say that?
I tried to control my emotions, and said to her "Well I guess I kind of see that, I do have a small head, I mean buying hats has always been kind of difficult for me..."
She looked a bit confused, and said to me "No, no, in Japan small face is a very big compliment! Everybody want a small face. Actresses, models, they all have small face. Japanese women even have surgery to have small face. It's very good".
Ok.
So in Japan, having a small face is a compliment. I guess I must be "doing well".
I appreciated the thought, but honestly, I can't help but think of this:
Some things will just not transcend culture. But me and my small face can live with that :)
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