Taking a break from work stories, I thought this week I would write about some of my favourite Londonisms. Over the past few months, I've really been getting to know East London and the theatre district, but there's still so much to explore. In the meantime, here are some things that I have found absurd about London, or the people living in London, and I hope you enjoy!
Hating on the tube
As somebody who walks to work, I adore the tube. What's not to like about an extensive underground railway system, connecting almost every part of London, with trains that come once every 2 minutes? Instead, anyone who's travelled on the tube in peak hour has clearly been scarred by the experience: "no, trust me, it's really bad. You're crushed, people smell, I hate people" is how it generally goes. My friend told me that she was once pushed up against a man whose breath was so bad that she had to get out at the next station for fear of vomiting. I got on the tube the other day - as usual, on a lazy weekend when the tube is at its most delightful - and I saw this ad, which made me laugh so hard: it just perfectly summed up how workers see the tube.
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I try to explain to people that in Melbourne, I will sometimes have to wait 40 minutes for a train. 40 minutes! And even then, we still have very packed peak hours. All I get is "no, trust me, it's really bad. You're crushed, people smell, I hate people".
Hating on tourists
Now I actually partake in this one. When I was at Oxford, I got pretty sick of tourists. My friends and I had tourists filming us on the way to exams (which is really the last thing you need at that point) and taking photos once they realise that "you do even go here" (à la Mean Girls)
I thought I had put those days behind me, but oh did my hatred of tourists come roaring back when I returned to the UK! Slightly different this time - because I'm an immigrant and nobody takes photos, mistaking me for a Londoner. But also the same, in the general annoyance that people who live and work here have against people who don't live and work here. Londoners will not go shopping on Oxford Street or in Covent Garden for example - they're right that it's absolute madness on the weekends. My personal pet peeve is the slow walking. The meandering, ambling walk of someone with too much damn time on their hands and who is annoyingly looking around and appreciating the beauty of this city on purpose just to piss everyone else off. The way they walk in groups, taking up the whole footpath, it makes me want to (again thank you Mean Girls):
Sun comes out, rush to the pavement
As someone who comes from a country with no ozone layer and 'slip slop slap' our national mantra, the way that Brits flock outside the moment the sun comes out is completely foreign. When I say outside, I mean literally any part of the sunny spot that they can get. There is no goal of finding "dappled shade" (as my law friends back home used to call it) - any part of the footpath covered in shade is empty, and any part with sun is packed with people. This was Broadway Market a few weeks ago:
I actually get it now. I don't think Australians fully understand the oppressiveness of having grey skies for months at a time, only for a hot blue sky to open up and the serotonin to flood your system with delicious happiness. It's no wonder the NHS has a page dedicated to seasonal affective disorder. Not too long until summer now!
Policeman at intersections
This is truly bizarre. At perfectly functioning intersections, policemen are stationed on each corner and watch the traffic. My first thought was that there was a blitz on jaywalkers who were putting their lives and the lives of vehicle drivers at risk. But no. People jaywalk right in front of these policemen, cutting through traffic on their way to work, and the policemen DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Why the hell are they there?? As someone who has been fined $52 for jaywalking (yes that's right), I felt particularly resentful in the beginning, but now I just dash across the street right under their noses with the rest of them.
I promise to update you all if I find out the reason for this madness.
Theatre snobbery
Last but not least, if you're a Londoner, you don't go to big flashy West End musicals. You might have seen Phantom or Les Mis when you were young, but now you're much too important and refined to put up with such ostentation. The less well-known the play the better, preferably with a political agenda. One man shows are good for this, interpretive dance even better, with a seating capacity of 20.
Joking aside, one great thing about living in London, is that we get to see FAMOUS PEOPLE in plays. Because you're living here, you can book tickets months in advance, and snap up the tickets going for ridiculously cheap prices. My friend a few weeks ago saw Kevin Spacey! I have even climbed on board and bought tickets to see Nicole Kidman in a play in September. Do I know what the play's about? No idea. She's famous and I got £10 tickets so I'm going!! I slowly feel like I'm getting the hang of this London thing :-)
I'll be taking a break next weekend because my fiancé will be coming to visit!!! I'm counting down the days! :-D
Hating on the tube
As somebody who walks to work, I adore the tube. What's not to like about an extensive underground railway system, connecting almost every part of London, with trains that come once every 2 minutes? Instead, anyone who's travelled on the tube in peak hour has clearly been scarred by the experience: "no, trust me, it's really bad. You're crushed, people smell, I hate people" is how it generally goes. My friend told me that she was once pushed up against a man whose breath was so bad that she had to get out at the next station for fear of vomiting. I got on the tube the other day - as usual, on a lazy weekend when the tube is at its most delightful - and I saw this ad, which made me laugh so hard: it just perfectly summed up how workers see the tube.
.jpg)
I try to explain to people that in Melbourne, I will sometimes have to wait 40 minutes for a train. 40 minutes! And even then, we still have very packed peak hours. All I get is "no, trust me, it's really bad. You're crushed, people smell, I hate people".
Hating on tourists
Now I actually partake in this one. When I was at Oxford, I got pretty sick of tourists. My friends and I had tourists filming us on the way to exams (which is really the last thing you need at that point) and taking photos once they realise that "you do even go here" (à la Mean Girls)
I thought I had put those days behind me, but oh did my hatred of tourists come roaring back when I returned to the UK! Slightly different this time - because I'm an immigrant and nobody takes photos, mistaking me for a Londoner. But also the same, in the general annoyance that people who live and work here have against people who don't live and work here. Londoners will not go shopping on Oxford Street or in Covent Garden for example - they're right that it's absolute madness on the weekends. My personal pet peeve is the slow walking. The meandering, ambling walk of someone with too much damn time on their hands and who is annoyingly looking around and appreciating the beauty of this city on purpose just to piss everyone else off. The way they walk in groups, taking up the whole footpath, it makes me want to (again thank you Mean Girls):
Sun comes out, rush to the pavement
As someone who comes from a country with no ozone layer and 'slip slop slap' our national mantra, the way that Brits flock outside the moment the sun comes out is completely foreign. When I say outside, I mean literally any part of the sunny spot that they can get. There is no goal of finding "dappled shade" (as my law friends back home used to call it) - any part of the footpath covered in shade is empty, and any part with sun is packed with people. This was Broadway Market a few weeks ago:
"The shade moved but, man, I'm already sitting down with my beer"
"There were no tables but we desperately needed some sun.
Not desperately enough to take off my hat though".
I actually get it now. I don't think Australians fully understand the oppressiveness of having grey skies for months at a time, only for a hot blue sky to open up and the serotonin to flood your system with delicious happiness. It's no wonder the NHS has a page dedicated to seasonal affective disorder. Not too long until summer now!
Policeman at intersections
This is truly bizarre. At perfectly functioning intersections, policemen are stationed on each corner and watch the traffic. My first thought was that there was a blitz on jaywalkers who were putting their lives and the lives of vehicle drivers at risk. But no. People jaywalk right in front of these policemen, cutting through traffic on their way to work, and the policemen DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Why the hell are they there?? As someone who has been fined $52 for jaywalking (yes that's right), I felt particularly resentful in the beginning, but now I just dash across the street right under their noses with the rest of them.
Theatre snobbery
Last but not least, if you're a Londoner, you don't go to big flashy West End musicals. You might have seen Phantom or Les Mis when you were young, but now you're much too important and refined to put up with such ostentation. The less well-known the play the better, preferably with a political agenda. One man shows are good for this, interpretive dance even better, with a seating capacity of 20.
I'll be taking a break next weekend because my fiancé will be coming to visit!!! I'm counting down the days! :-D
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