You're three months into your training contract. You feel like you're getting the hang of things. You understand when it's appropriate to use "Dear", "Hi" or just the person's name in an email. You've worked out when is a good time to get to work, and when you can slip out without having to ask that potentially catastrophic question: "is there anything else you need from me?" You've worked out your favourite combination of foods to reach the dinner budget limit when you're working late. It's even been ages since the last time you had an entire conversation on auto-pilot because you were trying to frantically remember the person's name.
You're like:
But don't get cocky.
Remember that statistically, people at all stages of the legal hierarchy have recorded, and regularly do record, time under AWK.AWK.01. Awkward Encounters can strike at any time, taking up valuable minutes of your life that you'll never get back. And those minutes need to be recorded.
To assist you, here are some further examples from my friends' and my experiences over the last month, of common scenarios which can be recorded under AWK.AWK.01:
1. Bathroom Encounters
This is a classic conundrum. You see a colleague in the hallway on the way to the bathroom, or worse, you both come out of the cubicles at the same time. You weren't prepared for this. You rack your brains for small talk. Unfortunately the weather hasn't been interesting, and so you abandon this safe, well-trodden path. What do you say?
You end up mumbling something incoherent, and the person stops and looks at you confused. You say "Sorry?" And your colleague says: "Did you just say, 'it wasn't me?'". He glances at the toilet, alarmed. Possibly the worst thing somebody could think you said in or around a bathroom.
Awkward bathroom encounters are always recordable under AWK.AWK.01.
2. Cultural differences
This encompasses a range of awkward behaviours. This particular post focuses on one such encounter: Australians and North Americans have a habit of speech that does not seem to work in the UK, that is, we say the worst thing you could possibly say in a given scenario, but sarcastically. The minutes of awkward silence after you make such a joke, and the unsuccessful digging upwards to save the situation, are all accountable. Examples:
In other words, my fellow Aussies and North Americans, maybe just record this time under AWK.AWK.01.
3. Regretting 'Past You'
You feel like you've come a long way over the past 3 months. If anything, you're quite proud of the way you've been recording your time...like a boss. Your supervisor suddenly sends around an email chastising the group for the sloppy narratives you've all been writing when recording your time. He uses an example: the phrase "Walking upstairs to deliver DVD to document management team" is unprofessional. You laugh to yourself: who would write "walking upstairs"??
Your supervisor then tells you that you recorded this phrase 4 weeks ago.
The time spent in embarrassment, plus the time re-telling this story to your housemate who points out that it was irresponsible of you to not record your time "walking downstairs", and the time spent realising that there WERE no stairs, and that you had actually taken the lift, is all accountable under AWK.AWK.01.
Just remember...
That we all experience awkwardness, and that at the end of the day, we're all being awkward together
You're like:
But don't get cocky.
Remember that statistically, people at all stages of the legal hierarchy have recorded, and regularly do record, time under AWK.AWK.01. Awkward Encounters can strike at any time, taking up valuable minutes of your life that you'll never get back. And those minutes need to be recorded.
To assist you, here are some further examples from my friends' and my experiences over the last month, of common scenarios which can be recorded under AWK.AWK.01:
1. Bathroom Encounters
This is a classic conundrum. You see a colleague in the hallway on the way to the bathroom, or worse, you both come out of the cubicles at the same time. You weren't prepared for this. You rack your brains for small talk. Unfortunately the weather hasn't been interesting, and so you abandon this safe, well-trodden path. What do you say?
You end up mumbling something incoherent, and the person stops and looks at you confused. You say "Sorry?" And your colleague says: "Did you just say, 'it wasn't me?'". He glances at the toilet, alarmed. Possibly the worst thing somebody could think you said in or around a bathroom.
Awkward bathroom encounters are always recordable under AWK.AWK.01.
2. Cultural differences
This encompasses a range of awkward behaviours. This particular post focuses on one such encounter: Australians and North Americans have a habit of speech that does not seem to work in the UK, that is, we say the worst thing you could possibly say in a given scenario, but sarcastically. The minutes of awkward silence after you make such a joke, and the unsuccessful digging upwards to save the situation, are all accountable. Examples:
- To your supervisor: "It's my birthday tomorrow! You're lucky I'm not calling in sick! ... [silence] ... I mean...not that I would call in sick, because that's not what you do when you're an adult. I was more talking about how when you were little, if it was a special day, your mum would let you take the day off school...[silence]...but I guess that doesn't really apply here...um...yeh".
- On the topic of clothing standards in the workplace: "Yeh that's right, wear shorter shirts! This is a heels-only workplace!". Cue Antipodean laughter. Brits are silent.
- To a feminist partner: "I've been really looking forward to starting work so I don't think I'll take a year off" ... [silence] ... [trying to fill awkward silence] ... "but at least I'll have maternity leave!" You then get a lecture about how maternity leave isn't a holiday.
- To a hard working associate: "So...busy day today huh?" "No actually it's been really quiet". You think he's being sarcastic, and say "oh, yeh I can tell by your general lazy attitude that you wouldn't have done anything today" ... [silence and look of horror on associate's face] ... "oh! sorry I didn't realise that you were being serious, I thought you were joking, I was just joking and playing along....but you weren't joking, ah, ok well ..."
- To your supervisor: "yep that's right, my boyfriend's arriving tonight. Don't know how I'll concentrate! Ha ha" ... [silence] ... "I mean, of course I'll concentrate, I was just saying..." Still paranoid he thinks you won't concentrate so you send a follow-up email that night: "Just making sure you know that I was joking when I said that I wouldn't concentrate". He is surprised by the email and reassures you that he didn't take you seriously. The next day he wrongly accuses you of not being able to concentrate, proving that you were right all along.
I repeat! Sometimes we say the worst possible thing sarcastically because in our home countries, this is considered humorous. There is nothing worse than making a joke that would traditionally work, but instead, falls flat:
In other words, my fellow Aussies and North Americans, maybe just record this time under AWK.AWK.01.
3. Regretting 'Past You'
You feel like you've come a long way over the past 3 months. If anything, you're quite proud of the way you've been recording your time...like a boss. Your supervisor suddenly sends around an email chastising the group for the sloppy narratives you've all been writing when recording your time. He uses an example: the phrase "Walking upstairs to deliver DVD to document management team" is unprofessional. You laugh to yourself: who would write "walking upstairs"??
Your supervisor then tells you that you recorded this phrase 4 weeks ago.
The time spent in embarrassment, plus the time re-telling this story to your housemate who points out that it was irresponsible of you to not record your time "walking downstairs", and the time spent realising that there WERE no stairs, and that you had actually taken the lift, is all accountable under AWK.AWK.01.
Just remember...
That we all experience awkwardness, and that at the end of the day, we're all being awkward together
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